Rough Year for Baby-Making
I thought it would be so easy. The first pregnancy happened before we were even officially trying. Had everything perfectly planned THIS time. I would get pregnant September 2005, give birth in June 2006 and enjoy 3 months off from work in the summer!!! What a perfect plan!
Okay so it didn't happen in September. Same for October. That's okay, an August baby would be just fine. Fall is beautiful in upstate NY, what a great time to be home. The Monday morning after Thanksgiving I was at work when I suddenly started having sharp pains in my abdomen and I really wasn't feeling so hot. I went to the bathroom and there was some bright red blood, not much, but enough for me to know something was wrong. I called the doctor's office and they could get me in to see her the following week.
I told my doctor what had happened and she ordered a pregnancy test. "It's positive! Congratulations!!" I looked at her and burst into tears. Here I thought something was wrong!! (though the small voice in my head had already started raising concerns) She sent me to have my hcg levels checked to make sure they were increasing. They weren't. A few days later I got the official word, my levels were dropping and I would most likely miscarry any day. They were right.
I was numb. For a long time. This was right before Christmas and I could hardly think about buying presents for people and being "festive". Somehow I stumbled through the holidays, today I can hardy remember where we went and who we saw during that time.
The worst part was I started pulling away from my son. The dreams started in January, one where he had fallen in water and I couldn't find him, ones where he was taken from me. My fears of losing him grew out of control. It is almost as if he sensed it too, for the first time in his short life he only wanted Daddy, not Mommy.
I'll never forget President's Day weekend. Cameron and I were playing on the couch and he got me laughing at some silly thing he was saying. We were both hysterically laughing and I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Suddenly he stopped and looked up at me with great concern. He reached out and touched the tears on my face. I said "Don't worry Mommy isn't sad, she is just laughing so hard". His face lit up with a big smile and he gave me a big hug. I silently promised I would never allow that distance to grow between us again.
The week before Memorial Day I found out I was pregnant again. On the holiday weekend I miscarried. This time the doctor ordered the barrage of tests. Everything looked good except this one antibody. Apparently I have specific antibodies that view an embryo as a foreign invader. Therefore they try to destroy it and the damage is done via blood clots. The actual disease is called APS or antiphospholipid syndrome. The good news is that it is treatable. I'm taking baby aspirin and once I get pregnant I will inject myself daily with low molecular weight heparin (a blood thinner). Hopefully we will have some good news soon.
We have the green light to start trying again so please send loads of baby dust our way!
Okay so it didn't happen in September. Same for October. That's okay, an August baby would be just fine. Fall is beautiful in upstate NY, what a great time to be home. The Monday morning after Thanksgiving I was at work when I suddenly started having sharp pains in my abdomen and I really wasn't feeling so hot. I went to the bathroom and there was some bright red blood, not much, but enough for me to know something was wrong. I called the doctor's office and they could get me in to see her the following week.
I told my doctor what had happened and she ordered a pregnancy test. "It's positive! Congratulations!!" I looked at her and burst into tears. Here I thought something was wrong!! (though the small voice in my head had already started raising concerns) She sent me to have my hcg levels checked to make sure they were increasing. They weren't. A few days later I got the official word, my levels were dropping and I would most likely miscarry any day. They were right.
I was numb. For a long time. This was right before Christmas and I could hardly think about buying presents for people and being "festive". Somehow I stumbled through the holidays, today I can hardy remember where we went and who we saw during that time.
The worst part was I started pulling away from my son. The dreams started in January, one where he had fallen in water and I couldn't find him, ones where he was taken from me. My fears of losing him grew out of control. It is almost as if he sensed it too, for the first time in his short life he only wanted Daddy, not Mommy.
I'll never forget President's Day weekend. Cameron and I were playing on the couch and he got me laughing at some silly thing he was saying. We were both hysterically laughing and I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Suddenly he stopped and looked up at me with great concern. He reached out and touched the tears on my face. I said "Don't worry Mommy isn't sad, she is just laughing so hard". His face lit up with a big smile and he gave me a big hug. I silently promised I would never allow that distance to grow between us again.
The week before Memorial Day I found out I was pregnant again. On the holiday weekend I miscarried. This time the doctor ordered the barrage of tests. Everything looked good except this one antibody. Apparently I have specific antibodies that view an embryo as a foreign invader. Therefore they try to destroy it and the damage is done via blood clots. The actual disease is called APS or antiphospholipid syndrome. The good news is that it is treatable. I'm taking baby aspirin and once I get pregnant I will inject myself daily with low molecular weight heparin (a blood thinner). Hopefully we will have some good news soon.
We have the green light to start trying again so please send loads of baby dust our way!
posted by Jiggie at 11:45 AM
4 Comments:
I am using a huge fan to blow baby dust your way. Love you.
PS- have fun trying! :)
I'm both sad and happy for you. Sad that you have experienced these losses, but happy that you have recognized the great gift you already have in your very sensitive-sounding son.
I agree, have fun trying...
To say that I understand is a ridiculous understatement. I feel every single thing you're talking about. Bless you through all the pain and I will stay positive for this new phase.
If I could FedEx the baby dust, a massive box would be on it's way!
I've been through what you've been through with the losses. Try and try again...........at least this is treatable. Positive thoughts from this chica plus 3 loads of baby dust!
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